How to appreciate yourself and recognise your own value
Nobody on this earth is only a failure or only bad or only weak: Take a good look at your life. If you do not recognise any successes or achievements, write down things that you have accomplished and also write down what characteristics or assets you have used to achieve this.
It might be everyday things like bringing up a child as a single parent or mastering certain computer skills, losing weight etc.
Remember: the media’s idea of a successful and happy person is not the whole story and it only draws our attention to things that we do not have.
Practical tips to keep you focused and balanced
Trust yourself: It helps once again to draw up a list of your strengths and weaknesses. If you struggle with this exercise ask a close friend to give you some perspective and you will discover that there are a lot of strengths that you have either forgotten about or never have recognised. Acknowledge little forms of success as this will help you to trust yourself in the future.
Acknowledge life as your friend: If a lot of bad and unfair things have happened to you, you cannot assume that this is the story of your life. Never believe that you deserve this; life is much more complex than this. Some people will advise you to change your behaviour; I would advise you to say to yourself: “I too deserve the best.†There are things and situations in life that we have control over and there are things and situations (and even people) that we simply have no control over.
Accept the latter and find a creative way of dealing with it. Once you find this creativity in yourself, you need to recognise it as an achievement. This attitude will bring balance and perspective to your life.
On the other hand, be creative with the things/situations and people that you do have control over; you are the architect of your destiny.
Be careful not to want too much: there is nothing wrong with being ambitious or having a desire to have everything; just be aware of the effort you put in to reach this goal. If the effort takes you on a road of being untrue to yourself and ignoring what you believe in, it will bring no sustainable happiness.
Also consider that it is not always the big things that make us happy. It is also important to ask yourself why you want these things: could it be possible that “having things†helps with your self-esteem? If this is the case, this will be an ongoing process that will never satisfy your need for more. We need to appreciate every little thing in our lives.
Do not let insults derail you: Insults can add to a low self-esteem, but only when you allow this to happen. People insult other people normally to hide their own insecurities. Insults from others should never define your whole being. Make a point of remembering the praise that you receive as well. Learn not to react to insults; rather take a step back and weigh your options. Love and trust yourself enough to know that you do not have to believe that this insult describes the real you.
Choose to stay positive: Most of us believe that we cannot choose our birth date neither our death date, but we can chose what happens between those two dates. We have control over our thoughts and actions. Trust and love yourself to make choices that are best for you. Choose to spend your days on earth with optimism and positivity in spite of your circumstances. As far as we know we only get this life on earth; why then do we choose to spend this time in misery and unhappiness?
Everything is temporary: The truth is that people change, desires change and needs change. Nothing stays constant. Appreciate the moment. Breathe properly and look at life moment by moment. Enjoy the good times but remember that there will be moments that are less enjoyable and you have the ability to go through these moments gracefully because the good times are usually just around the corner.
Get your fears out in the open: Some of us are more vigilant and know about everything that can go wrong. If fear rules your life, take the time to see if this is a real threat or only a perception. When fears put our lives on hold, we need to acknowledge these fears. Write them down, look at options to deal with or prevent a possible threat. Once these fears are known to you and you have given them a name, they look less threatening. There is a gift in being fearful, as it helps you to be prepared for whatever may come your way.
Never stop exploring: broaden your horizons by taking on new things and replace bad habits by experimenting with things that will add value to your life. Find new interests and laugh with others and yourself.
In the end we need to love ourselves enough to want these things for ourselves.
A few quotes about self-love that I feel are relevant:
"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" ~ Buddha
"A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval." ~ Mark Twain
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others." ~ Parker Palmer
"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are." ~ Malcolm S Forbes